( That Ratio is pointedly avoiding looking at him is glaringly obvious by now, and he can't begin to unravel the 'why'. Instead it leaves a heavy weight in his chest -- he'd clung to the doctor's advice like a lifeline, the answer to what is worth living for when he'd thought he was fine with dying, with accepting the end. He wanted to die, after all, finally free of the weight of surviving when no one else had, the guilt and the shame and the shackles around his hands and neck.

The Emanator of Nihility had understood what he sought. It was her sword that cut through him, after all, and left him with something to chew over. Their little helpful conversation, and whatever remained of a younger version of himself in his own mind.

And Ratio's note.

He sighs, leaning so far back in the chair that he can stare at the ceiling rather than Ratio, running a hand through his hair. )

There's not really one I can give. I mean with the Harmony trying to unravel me, the pull of Nihility, and my own mind deciding what I really needed was a conversation with multiple versions of myself, it all gets a little foggy. ( Huh. He really was having a damned time of it near the end, wasn't he? ) I do remember a certain doctor wishing me luck, in spite of denying that such a thing doesn't exist.

( His eyes flick to Ratio's for a moment, a hint of a smile toying around the corner of his lips in case the good doctor decides to actually look at him. )

And... I remember it being an answer to my question. To why we continue on, even when our fate is predetermined. ( It was a reason to live. To try and come back, no matter how long it took or how pointless it might be. Because there were things still worth experiencing. Things he hasn't done and things he wants to do. ) After that it was just a matter of getting back.